nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
