I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
