Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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