I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
