Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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