There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
