she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When are your genitals available?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
