Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
