yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
