You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
