Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I am puke
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
