every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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