i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you would pick up someone in the library
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
