nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he was CRYING into my vagina
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
