I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
