so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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