i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
