i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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