I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
