you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Your shirt... Was in my pants
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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