you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
