Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
