I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
