Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
