True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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