So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
People in love make me want to vomit
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
