There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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