Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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