i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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