Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
