no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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