i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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