Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
