My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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