Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
