oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
