i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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