My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
