in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
