He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Mom said you looked used
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
