oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
