Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think a kid would responsible me up
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
