ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
