i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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