You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
