Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
