Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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