Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just gift wrapped bread.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
