Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
