big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
