Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
