she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
