Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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