I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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