I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
