I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
