wat bout pragnant strippers??
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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