I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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