I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
