in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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