He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
