I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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