You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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