I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
