I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
