Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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