you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
