Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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