peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
