I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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