I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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