you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
