I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
