i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
