Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
