You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
