Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize