all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
