There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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